‘This is ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY’

-

Teenage!Thorin AU

 

stick ban: ‘cause it can’t be easy on Bilbo to have all these dwarves descend upon him, even if he actually likes Thorin

bean ban: X”D

jujubeee mod: I imagine Bilbo having a bad relationship with the tooks

jujubeee mod: would kind of be a bit of a scandal

stick ban: aww yeah, because family is all-important in Hobbiton

stick ban: so Bilbo falling out with his would be like … that thing everyone whispers about

jujubeee mod: i was thinking

jujubeee mod: With his mum and dad

jujubeee mod: what happened?

minumi: maybe Belladonna marrying Bungo was like a no-no

jujubeee mod: when they were dying

jujubeee mod: Was it an accident

jujubeee mod: an illness

jujubeee mod: Did Bilbo go begging for some help

jujubeee mod: and get turned away

jujubeee mod: for fear of bringing the illness to their doorstep

stick ban: awwwww all the sadness. in the world.

jujubeee mod: But I imagine they had some hand…or rather were no help

jujubeee mod: when his parents passed

jujubeee mod: and Bilbo just cut them off

stick ban: yes, Julie, I could definitely see that

minumi: awwww holding a grudge, sounds like a Baggins thing to do

minumi: if Lobelia’s anything to go by xD

jujubeee mod: And maybe theyre super offended

jujubeee mod: like

jujubeee mod: they don’t want it getting out that they didnt help

jujubeee mod: so they turn it on Bilbo

jujubeee mod: And maybe with the somewhat passing of time

stick ban: ohh, and the Old Took died a few years before Bilbo’s parents, so even if maybe the Old Took was okay with their family, whoever took over might not have been so nice

jujubeee mod: its become a bit of a case of chinese whispers (Telephone)

jujubeee mod: so everyone things Bilbo is this high maintenance angry little hobbit

jujubeee mod: picking fights

jujubeee mod: ‘Oh be careful what you say to him, he could blow his lid at you’

stick ban: awww and he’s so NOT if they’d even give him half a chance. or, maybe it’s like if you’re told something long enough you believe it, and Bilbo starts to actually get angry?

minumi: awwww

jujubeee mod: ‘I heard he….’

jujubeee mod: ‘Oh no no, *I* heard that he..’

minumi: YES STICK

minumi: gettout of my head

stick ban: nooo //burrows

jujubeee mod: Awwww

jujubeee mod: Maybe Thorin is even warned away from him a bit

minumi: ooo julieee

minumi: what if

minumi: he’s already met Bilbo and someone starts to tell him  all these bad things

minumi: and he’s like…. 8| what?

stick ban: yeah, maybe when Thorin goes to the Tooks initially, someone lets slip that they have this ax-murderer cousin Bilbo

stick ban: and Thorin is all intrigued and like, “I must see him …”

jujubeee mod: LOL

stick ban: aww minu, he’d be so perplexed

jujubeee mod: ‘Oh goodness, you’re staying in Bagend?? With that mad little hobbit?? How do you sleep at night??’

stick ban: or he’s heard things but doesn’t know WHO they’re about, and then he befriends Bilbo, and then he finds out who the rumours were pointing to

minumi: omg stick xDDD

minumi: that’s PERFECT

jujubeee mod: lol and here’s that hero complex

stick ban: “that mad little hobbit” haha

jujubeee mod: needing to save Bilbo

minumi: omgggg

jujubeee mod: he’d want to just whisk him away

minumi: julieeeee

minumi: AWWW

stick ban: awwww yes

jujubeee mod: Like

stick ban: take him away from all the foul talk

minumi: that’d be terribley adorable

jujubeee mod: because it seemed bad enough when he realises who theyre talking about

jujubeee mod: But THEN

jujubeee mod: when he realises theyre Bilbo’s family

minumi: UH OH

stick ban: oh no. I’d be very afraid, if I were the Tooks.

ChaseNc: D’:

minumi: wouldn’t that be really offensive to him as a dwarf? because lookit how close all the dwarven families seem to be

jujubeee mod: It would almost undo everything

jujubeee mod: Thrain would have to restrain him

minumi: omgggggg

stick ban: Thorin would want to go storming over there, and yesss Thrain, that’s what I was thinking

stick ban: for the sake of diplomacy

minumi: AWWWW

jujubeee mod: …ResTHRAIN

minumi: SJHGDJKSGHSJKHGKJ

stick ban: LOL puns

minumi: //dies

minumi: I cant withyour puns

jujubeee mod: LOL

minumi: xDDD

jujubeee mod: But yes

jujubeee mod: I think Thorin would get his own subtle revenge

jujubeee mod: like he’d be at the Tooks house for the courting

jujubeee mod: and they wouldnt be able to do anything right

minumi: omg

stick ban: dwarven intimidation tactics. looking surly. glaring. stomping around clean hobbit holes in dirty boots.

jujubeee mod: ‘I hate this food….I don’t like that colour dress on you’

stick ban: LOL

minumi: LMAOOOOO

minumi: omgggg nooo nooo now i’m just imagining thorin acting like Kuzco xDDDD

jujubeee mod: ‘What is your opinion on corporal punishment???’

stick ban: hahaha

minumi: LMAOOOO

jujubeee mod: ‘Do you own any axes??’

minumi: ghsdkjh

stick ban: passive agressive Thorin

minumi: sahahahhgkh

minumi: the only way to survie politics

jujubeee mod: ‘Oh you dont, thats a shame…..*

jujubeee mod: *turns nose up*

jujubeee mod: *looks for someone else to speak to*

stick ban: Julieee pffft that would be hilarious

jujubeee mod: Thrain would have such a headache

minumi: omg

stick ban: he’d go back to Bag End and smoke Bilbo’s entire stock of pipe weed

jujubeee mod: LOL

stick ban: both to calm down and as payback

minumi: lmao

minumi: hgjkhsg

minumi: jh

minumi: then Bilbo really would go mad

jujubeee mod: Tbh

jujubeee mod: Bilbo’s little backbone

jujubeee mod: would make him a much more suitable match for Thorin anyway

jujubeee mod: He’s be able to stand up to him

jujubeee mod: and challenge him

minumi: yes!!!!

minumi: omg ghskgkgh

stick ban: awww yes, and he wouldn’t be immediately cowed by Thorin’s status as royalty because it’s a different culture, hobbits have no royalty

minumi: i bet all his other suitors fall at his feet trying to please

minumi: and there’s nothing that turns him off more

minumi: than that

jujubeee mod: yessss

stick ban: yess, they’d be such sycophants

minumi: ooooo stick!!

minumi: SAT word xDDD

jujubeee mod: loool

stick ban: and Thorin would have it ingrained in him that he has to be polite for the sake of the diplomacy but he’d be so annoyed inside

stick ban: lol 3 points

minumi: XDD //high fives

jujubeee mod: imagine if

jujubeee mod: the first day of courting

jujubeee mod: he tried to coax a reaction out of them

jujubeee mod: and just ended up with a bunch of them bursting into tears

minumi: OMG XDD

stick ban: HAH

minumi: asfjkdfhasjkfhjh

minumi: I LOVE THAT

minumi: I bet when he did that to Bilbo

minumi: Bilbo gave him a tongue lashing like he’d never had anyone dare give him before

stick ban: hahaha, he’d properly floor Thorin

jujubeee mod: LOL

jujubeee mod: he wouldnt be the ‘oh crap sorry type’ either

stick ban: Thrain would face-palm and Thorin would just look smug. “I told you it wouldn’t work out.”

jujubeee mod: He’d just send a baleful glare at his father

jujubeee mod: I just imagine him jabbing Thorin in the chest

minumi: AHAHAH

jujubeee mod: to punctuate every sentence

minumi: so perfect

stick ban: yesss

jujubeee mod: ‘You *jab* dont get to *jab* talk to me *jab* like that *jab*’

stick ban: he’d have to go up on tiptoe

minumi: OMGGG ahgklshjkgh

minumi: so PRECIOUS xDDD

stick ban: aaaaghhh how to choose

jujubeee mod: Do we want Bilbo having had a hard day?

stick ban: yesssss //hides

jujubeee mod: Or Thorin coming home to Bilbo after listening to it all day?

jujubeee mod: awww

stick ban: aww that’d be sweet. Bilbo post-long day, and Thorin coming in to a very frustrated hobbit

stick ban: but he’d be sort of at a loss about how to help

jujubeee mod: Awww

jujubeee mod: I think Bilbo would FUME and SEETHE

jujubeee mod: until eventually his nose would start running

stick ban: hands in the air, hair all mussed, shirt untucked, just gesturing wildly

jujubeee mod: and he’d start to tear up

stick ban: and aww yesss, Bilbo, once the anger wore off

jujubeee mod: like he’d run out of steam

jujubeee mod: And where Thorin was like ‘pisshhh’

jujubeee mod: with the others

jujubeee mod: I think he would find a teary Bilbo unbearable

stick ban: awwwwww :(

jujubeee mod: Because Bilbo would be snapping still

jujubeee mod: ‘Im FINE!!! *sob*’

stick ban: awww that’s perfect

jujubeee mod: He’d whip around

jujubeee mod: ‘This is ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY’

jujubeee mod: ‘What???’

jujubeee mod: ‘If I didn’t have so many mouths to feed! I wouldn’t have to go to the market so often!!!’

stick ban: oooooh

jujubeee mod: And he’d deflate

jujubeee mod: ‘I didn’t mean that’

jujubeee mod: ‘Its not like it would stop them’

jujubeee mod: And Thorin is like ‘You will write a list and I will have one of the others get the items’

jujubeee mod: And Bilbo says ‘You dwarves have no sense of what’s good or bad. You would only return with MEAT’

stick ban: lol

jujubeee mod: ‘Then I will have Dwalin accompany you— *I* will accompany you’

jujubeee mod: and Bilbo’s sniffling now

jujubeee mod: If  Thorin asked what they had said that had bothered Bilbo

jujubeee mod: and Bilbo would be like

minumi: uh oh

jujubeee mod: ‘I dont want you to hear these things’

stick ban: awwwww

minumi: sjkhgjksdgh jh

minumi: AWWW

jujubeee mod: ‘You won’t want to be around me anymore’

minumi: AWWWWWW

jujubeee mod: And Thorin admits that he’s heard some of it anyway

stick ban: Bilbo’d be ashamed, I’d think

jujubeee mod: And Bilbo’s just like ‘….what? No, why didn’t you say, so I could explain—’

jujubeee mod: And Thorin would be like ‘I don’t believe the words of idle tongues, Bilbo, I am more than able to make my own judgements’

stick ban: awwwww good job, Thorin

stick ban: you win the good boyfriend points

jujubeee mod: hahaha

stick ban: I feel like this is one of the first non-family encounters in Thorin’s life where he’s actually cared about the other person’s reactions, and also where he has no idea how his own behaviour comes across

stick ban: there’d be a lot of “open mouth, insert foot”

stick ban: awwww Bilbo’s runny nose

stick ban: //wipes

jujubeee mod: hahaha

stick ban: Thorin, get him a hankie. don’t just stand there.

jujubeee mod: imagine Thorin just plucking out a hankerchief

stick ban: minus 5 boyfriend points

jujubeee mod: and wiping Bilbo’s face

jujubeee mod: Bilbo would be mortified

jujubeee mod: Pinching his nose

stick ban: “blow, Bilbo”

jujubeee mod: ‘thats disgusting’

jujubeee mod: and then

jujubeee mod: Thorin kisses him on the cheek

jujubeee mod: once his face is snot free

jujubeee mod: Bilbo would go bright red

jujubeee mod: omg

jujubeee mod: imagine if Bilbo was shooed away from the market

jujubeee mod: maybe they said soemthign

jujubeee mod: that got under his skin

jujubeee mod: and he reacted

jujubeee mod: And like

jujubeee mod: ‘We don’t serve your kind here’

jujubeee mod: he was buying bread

minumi: sdjhgjksdhgjk

jujubeee mod: and he’s jeered out of there

stick ban: awwww

jujubeee mod: And what he’s slamming on the table

jujubeee mod: is him having gone and gotten flour

jujubeee mod: and eggs

jujubeee mod: and storming in

jujubeee mod: and opening his mothers cook books

jujubeee mod: ‘I don’t NEED it anyway!’

jujubeee mod: And thorin gets in as it’s done

minumi: drtkh;ldrkhtl;k

minumi: omgggggg

minumi: julieeeee ;AAAA;

jujubeee mod: hears cupboards beign slammed

minumi: awww ajajaja xDDD

jujubeee mod: and goes in

stick ban: awwww

jujubeee mod: and in an ATTEMPT

jujubeee mod: to be nice says

jujubeee mod: ‘That smells good’

jujubeee mod: RARRRRRR

stick ban: yesss, a misguided nice comment at JUST the wrong second

jujubeee mod: ‘those are strange clothes to bake in, but I dont pretend to understand you hobbits’

stick ban: when you said “shooed away,” I was imagining if he just ran off. like, kept walking in annoyance, just straight out of town. Thorin would be waiting at Bag End and Bilbo just wouldn’t come back.

stick ban: like, it’d get dark, and Thorin would be staying up waiting, pacing.

stick ban: worrying and breaking Bilbo’s china in his frustration, wanting to go out to look but not knowing where to look. eventually Bilbo’d come back and he’d have cooled off by then but Thorin would still be

stick ban: so wound up

jujubeee mod: AWWWW

stick ban: Bilbo would end up having to calm HIM down rather than the other way around haha

jujubeee mod: Sitting at his mama’s grave

jujubeee mod: until a ridiculous hour

jujubeee mod: weeding and cleaning

stick ban: awwwww

jujubeee mod: And when he’s getting home

jujubeee mod: Thorin’s sitting outside

jujubeee mod: And he stands up as soon as he sees the silhouette

minumi: kfjghkldfjhkljhkl

stick ban: awww, he’d have been jumping at shadows all night

stick ban: so when Bilbo finally came, Thorin’s nerves would be completely shot

jujubeee mod: he’d walk to meet him

jujubeee mod: probably react badly

jujubeee mod: just from worry

stick ban: he’d mean to say, “I was worried about you, are you all right?” but it would come out as, “And where the hell have you been?”